Being a Masters student in the States, if I were to write about any of the topics as my first blog post … this should be the first one.

I miss my Mother and her home cooked food. I miss the alternate college vacations I used to spend with my grandfather. I miss my Dad’s playfulness and the anguish (that he has successfully converted into an innocuous disapproving nod as I grew up). I miss my elder brother without whom, I wouldn’t have learned anything (and would never have watched Naruto or played AoE !).

I miss few of my undergrad friends. I see how lovingly they enjoy and have regular get-togethers. I could not be a part of my convocation. There are many more which keeps on popping up … like when I went for my haircut here and had to pay 15$ for it and compared it to 30 Rs of what I used to pay in India … I started missing my local haircut salon. Sometimes I wake up and get an alarming craving for chai and biscuit, the one which we used to get at 5 Rs in Limbdi Corner back in BHU. The only thing that comes close to it is a Starbucks Chai Tea Latte costing a whopping 3.7$.

But life is good. I repeatedly thank myself for taking this decision. I am learning things. I am learning how to live independently. I am able to gain experience from people of completely different culture. I am having one of the best education and I really feel that every time I sit in my classes. I enjoy working hard for my coursework for the first time. I have got into the Robotics lab thanks to my previous knowledge in Vision and the lab professor. His advice on certain matters really helps me to pass through the turbulence caused by the inner fears. All I need to do right now is to maintain my humility and not let arrogance seep in. Keep learning from people who are around me. Taking help from others and giving help when they need it.

Rewind 1 year …

I am standing at the Limbdi Corner, drinking the same Chai and eating bread splattered with butter. I seem depressed. I am alone (I prefer that sometimes). I am thinking how unfortunate we are as students for wasting time when we should be crafting the story of our lives. How unfair the society is … and how poor the college is … for there is no innovation and people adamantly take shortcuts and believe that it is the right way. I still miss my Mom and her food. I wished if I had the patience level of my Dad and my Grandfather. I wished my brother sorts out his life (that he surprisingly does at the last moment.)

Rewind 1 more year …

I didn’t go to Limbdi Corner that much back then even my hostel was nearest to it. I didn’t use to miss anything. I spent days and days alone in the Great Central Library of BHU … spending time on looking video lectures of professors teaching in the various US universities … taking notes … trying to understand the concepts. In the night, I used to come back and eat food. Some chattering and then back to work. The world was beautiful back then. I was nothing and had nothing to think. I just used to work. Dad was not convinced.

Rewind 1 more year …

I am among my friends. I had no idea what I am doing and I didn’t care. I joined boxing but couldn’t keep up with its schedule. I studied for my class tests but was jealous how the other guy scored more than me even when I pushed harder than him…even more examination pages than him. I tried this … I tried that … I kept failing. I missed my school days when I used to understand things in a split of a second!

Rewind 1 more year…

I am nothing. I am a person who is one of the herd. My views don’t matter. Do what others do. You are wrong mostly so don’t think. Those guys with good grades are better. You are not. They have the talent… you do not.

Rewind 1 more year…

I am sitting on my chair for last 6 hours in my dingy room in Kota. I take a deep breath and sheltered a small dream of the life I will be leading if I crack the JEE. Life will be easy. Opportunities will be on my platter. I hoped to make it big once I get to my college. Study hard and get a good job. Earning tons and tons of money. A fear lurked behind … what if I fail?

The rest of my life is what I don’t remember much. Certain instances here and there but they are meaningless to the present context.

I just think the first blog should define me. I hope to write more in the coming days…